Can I Ask My Friends to Give?

“I Can’t Ask My Friends to Give”

Have you said this before? Me, too.

Sometimes it sounds more like, “I am protective of my friendships.” Or, “If I ask my friends to give, then they will do the same and we’ll just be swapping donations.” [Insert other excuses about why you can’t introduce your giving opportunity to your friends here.]

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying: The number one reason why people don’t donate is because they were never asked. Sounds obvious, right? But what does this really mean?

Let me tell you a story…

Early in my career, I was a special event fundraiser for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I was in charge of an exclusive and expensive golf tournament. It was 2002, and $500 was on the high end of player fees for a charity golf tournament. However, our tournament was at an exclusive golf course that only hosted two charity tournaments a year. So, it was a hot ticket!

Being the savvy fundraiser, I invited everyone I knew who loved golf to participate, right? Sigh… if only…

Instead, I did NOT ask my friends. I didn’t ask any of them. Not even the serious golfers.

I didn’t ask because I was concerned they would feel obligated to participate due to our friendship. I didn’t want to feel vulnerable by making that ask. I didn’t want to burden them. Does that sound familiar?

The Swing Fore a Cure Golf Classic was a great success, and we were excited to have it featured in the local newspaper! That day, I got a call from my friend, Trey.

Trey was not happy. He wanted to know why I never invited him to participate. Actually, it was more like he demanded to know why I didn’t invite him. All I could do was apologize repeatedly. And of course, rethink my perception of what it means to ask my friends to get involved with my favorite nonprofit.

I had an a-ha moment as I hung up the phone. When I didn’t invite Trey (and all of my other golfer friends) to that tournament, I made a decision for him. I decided no on his behalf simply by avoiding the invitation.

Four years later, I was working for a large national victim services organization with an unofficial policy of not asking victims to donate because, in losing a loved one, they had already “given” the most tragic and painful sacrifice. Therefore, it was considered innapropriate to ask them to give financially to the mission of the organization – a mission to stop these senseless and tragic deaths, so other families didn’t have to experience the same trauma.

I was in charge of our signature walkathon events. You know the model: friends asking friends to donate money to support them as they walk in a public and united front to raise awareness for a cause they care about deeply. Every small donation counts and adds up to major funding for important social causes.

But there was an issue: Some of the program staff refused to share the contact information for the victims they were directly working with, so that, according to their reasoning, the victims wouldn’t be burdened with being asked to give financially to the mission.

You see, those individuals, who would’ve been most compelled to ensure that the mission of the organization was realized, were being protected from the ask.

So, in essence, those program staffers made the decision for the victims they were serving. Think about that for a minute.

These stories are important in reframing the belief that you are burdening someone by asking them to get involved with an organization you care about (even worse if you are protecting them from getting involved in an organization that THEY care about).

How do you feel when someone tells you about something they care about? Do you want to run screaming? Or stop being their friend?

Then, how do you feel when someone makes a decision for you? What if you would have appreciated the opportunity?

Ask yourself those questions next time you think, “I can’t ask my friends to give.”

I want to close with one final story. I love this little Mexican restaurant in my neighborhood. It is family-owned and relatively new. In Dallas, new restaurants pop up and close down all the time. It’s the nature of the restaurant biz, as I am told. So, because I want this one to succeed, we eat there often. I also encourage all of my friends to eat there as well.

If I care this much about the success of this restaurant and I put this much effort into supporting them, why in the world would I hesitate about encouraging my friends to support a cause that is near and dear to my heart?

Give your friends the opportunity to connect with a mission that you love. Tell them why you support your favorite nonprofit. Invite them to tour it with you. Invite them to volunteer with you. They just might thank you for it!

Wise Resource Development provides fundraising trainings for those who are afraid to ask. Reach out to us to learn more about our training services.